True Confessions
by robinstar
Summary: Robin tells Starfire a secret he has kept, only she can't tell anyone about it. Things can't remain hidden forever, especially when someone gets hurt. So, Robin decides to seek help from a person you'd least expect...


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I am currently "re-vamping" (and completing!) this fan-fiction! (It was first published 6 years ago on this website! I was a scary 12 and half years old.) It has been some time since I last worked on a fan-fiction project, but this story concept was always one of my personal favorites and I am excited about bringing new life to an old project. That being said, new chapters will be posted as they are completed. This is a revision of chapter one, which will be presented in parts in this updated version of the story. The old chapters will be deleted as the story is updated, but for now, chapter one will remain because I have not completed the revision of 'part two'. Enjoy! Don't hesitate to have a laugh at the old chapters :)

Introduction:

Starfire knocked tentatively at Robin's bedroom door. It seemed like an eternity before she heard his reply. Finally, though, a muffled "Who is it?" hit her ears and her heart fluttered within her chest.

"Starfire," she answered, suddenly nervous.

"Come in," came his voice.

Starfire slowly opened the door and stepped inside. As she observed the surroundings, a pang struck deep within her. Clothes were haphazardly tossed about the floor, along with dirty mugs and dishes. And newspaper clippings, maps, and various print-outs covered the room wall-to-wall. The poor lighting hardly seemed suitable for any activity. Even after the incidents with Slade had long since passed, it appeared to her and the others that...Robin remained only a shadow of his former self. Only now as she drank in his gloomy world was this realization beginning to sink in.

"What's wrong?" he asked from his spot on his bed.

Starfire sat beside him and looked into his face. Why did he constantly hide behind that mask? How could she be close to him if he continued to hide himself? It was hard to love a mystery. But, that was not what she had come to discuss with him tonight.

"Well...you do remember the "situation" with Glertleskletch, correct?"

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"And that night...we admitted our feelings for each other, correct?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Then you kissed me. You said we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. Then you told me the things that boyfriends and girlfriends did together." She paused, her cheeks thoroughly flushed. "…I was happy thinking of how our relationship would be, but...all is not as I imagined."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, we do not do anything special or romantic," she said," and you do not often show affection in front of others. Robin…sometimes you are so remote. It is almost as if I am…cast aside."

Robin sat in silence while Starfire glanced down at her hands uncomfortably.

'_Am I really like that? Really that selfish?' _the Boy Wonder questioned himself in disbelief.

"…I don't know what to say, Star."

"I do not wish for you to feel bad. I only wish for us to act more like a boyfriend and girlfriend," she said staring into his mask. "In the past…the issues with Slade-"

"No. Don't bring him into this; it has nothing to do with him," he snapped, suddenly agitated. "I'll try to be better," he added, as if to compensate for his edginess.

"No Robin, you cannot try. You have to _do_," she said putting a hand on his shoulder. Behind his mask, the concern he saw in her eyes made him uneasy.

He nodded slightly and then glanced at her.

"I promise," he said. "But let's make it official."

She stared at him, confused. In an instant he moved to kiss her but startled her in the process and wound up kissing her chin. Starfire giggled. Robin chuckled slightly himself as his lips neared hers and he spoke threateningly.

"That's one less romantic gesture from me as punishment."

"I am serious, Robin!"

"So am I."

He kissed her gently on the lips before raising a hand to her cheek.

"I promise I'll do better."

He didn't want her to leave, but for some reason, his words contradicted his feelings.

"Now go get some rest, alright?"

Starfire jumped happily to her feet, content with his promise. She gave him a small wave goodbye upon reaching the door and blew a kiss. Robin watched the door close behind her and sighed heavily.

He really was more distant, wasn't he? Come to think of it, he could hardly remember the last time he joined the team for supper, or left the tower for anything other than a mission.

"Well you got what you wanted, alright? You get it all. Bet you're just enjoyin' the show," Robin spat bitterly.

As much as it pained him to admit it, Slade had made him this way, hadn't he? Hadn't he…molded Robin into a replica of himself? Of course, a hero could never accept something like that. However, an event forever engraved in his memory would never allow him to believe otherwise. Rather, it continued to replay itself…

_"What are you doing? How could you let him get away!" he yelled at her._

_"Robin...you're hurting me," Starfire whimpered, trembling beneath his unyielding grip._

What frightened Robin the most was that he had hurt her, _his_ Starfire. The bruise remained a few weeks afterward, taunting him, and serving as a painful reminder of the monster he was capable of becoming. He had been so obsessed with 'the chase', so sure he was in charge and about to make his catch when in reality he left himself vulnerable. His obsession resulted in a total surrender of control.

Slade had known all the right buttons to push and he had certainly never hesitated to push them. But Slade was gone now. Why couldn't Robin put this all behind him and move on? The team was great, always supportive of him even in his ugliest hours. How many times had Cy dropped whatever he was doing to drag him out of a foul mood by getting him out of the house? How many times had BB lent of himself in the training room while Robin vented his frustrations through combat? Even Raven… Sure, she had little to say most times, but even small gestures, like making tea or being a listening ear all helped him forget. _But Slade would not be forgotten. _

He persisted in his little game. Night after night he haunted Robin, yes, even in the one place Robin had hoped to find just a small sense of release: his dreams. The dreams…they were unlike anything Robin had ever experienced. Plenty of times he had dreamt of falling, but those dreams always ended before he reached the bottom. He never felt _anything_. _**Slade made sure he could feel**__. _Every blow, kick, and cut—it all _hurt. _First it seemed like imagined pain, side effects from such vivid dreams. But the bruises and scratches began appearing across his chest, back, and arms. Some wounds bled so profusely that they had to be dressed with gauze and padding. There was no disputing the evidence, but how could he tell the other Titans that Slade lived on?

He couldn't. 

Robin didn't doubt for a second that his friends would commit him to an institution should they learn of such "dreams", especially after his almost miraculous 'recovery'. He had come so far for a period, but this type of fall would not go overlooked by the Justice League. He could be removed as leader or worse: removed as a Titan. He could not let that happen—and he would not, even if it meant hiding away in his bedroom for a time. However…this new 'pact' with Starfire could compromise this so-called safety.

"Don't worry, Rob'. It'll all go away soon," he told himself as he eased onto his back. He settled into his bed slowly, repeating the mantra he so often found comfort in, "I'm not crazy...I'm not…crazy…"


End file.
